At the start of motorcyclists are. There is a shot of starter! . Only one rider is left in place. Starter somewhat surprised:.
- Why is it you do not go for all?.
In response, angry voice:.
- And why did you give me a goat, a tire cover shot?.
A man in a spacesuit hay mows. A woman walks by and says: Man, what are you doing? . And - while standing.
Man comes home from work and immediately yells to his wife:.
- Quickly take off your clothes and into bed!.
She was surprised, never nebylo this for 15 years so that the threshold in the bed. Undressed, lay down a couple of minutes my husband climbs into bed and happily says:.
- Watch smoril bought glow in the dark....
court. divorce suit. The judge asks his wife:.
- For what reason do you want to divorce her husband?.
- He did not meet a man!.
A woman's voice from the audience:.
- All meet and she is not!.
A male voice from the audience:.
- And it does not satisfy anybody!.
In French, Georgian, German, and ask:.
- What do you have hanging from the waist down?.
The German said:.
- That gives me pleasure.
The Frenchman said:.
- So, what gives women pleasure.
Georgian says:.
- Below the belt, I hung a dagger, but the fact that they have hanging - I have always worth it!.
Flying megalomania urinotherapy.
In the supermarket checkout guy drove to a hefty truck filled to the brim clogged shopping, long and tedious puts all. The cashier, punching, noticed that among all this there is no toilet paper and decided to make fun of:.
- And do not forget the toilet paper?.
- Why? .
I'm going home in the yard. I saw - a girl about 10 years were scattered - and with a sweep flat -.
breakpoints! .
alarm is.
From the 8th floor window pops angry male face. The girl slid off the hood.
and shouts:.
- Dad, can I have a little walk?.
- My grandmother 's given to us today.
- I hope you're not crying?.
- No, they have not caught up!.
Why so sad?.
- The director was.
- Oral?.
- Anal.
A woman sits in a taxi and says:.
- In the hospital. But do not drive so I just work there!.
The reception was at the psychiatrist:.
- Doctor, to me every night, comes the monster!.
- Do you send him somewhere else.
Bed at night because of a monster comes out of Doctor:.
- Excuse me, Doctor, but sent me to you.
It should be a man in his underpants in front of a mirror. Thus, syak turn, biceps, triceps strain, pulls the stomach, while muttering smugly:.
- What a schmuck! .
The wife of the next room:.
- Idiot! .
On the Space Station:.
- Uzbek space station requests a satellite dish for an hour!.
- Do not go! .
Women's logic:.
- Yesterday, the day went on the market, wanted to buy pants! . I had to buy a handbag.
Two friends talking:.
- Because I was just two women came to blows!.
- What, are you like?.
- One says, take it yourself and the other, and fuck I need it!.
Mother teaches his 17- year-old daughter how to avoid rape:.
- Imagine that you walk down the street at night, and you should be suspicious of a man. Your actions?.
- I quickly turn to him, lowered his pants and with her skirt retarded.
- What, are you mad?.
- What do you think, who runs faster, it lowered with trousers or a skirt I was raised?.
At the bus stop:.
- Man, this grim human?.
- And what is your damn business?.
- Oh, nothing to do, decided to strike up a conversation. Are you human rude?.
- Well, we must somehow keep the conversation.
- A girl, a girl, and your name?.
- Light.
- And I am Fedor!.
- Amazed!. I was six months ago, also called Fedya.
The elephant sees a naked man on the beach and asks:.
- Look, how can you have such a little thing?.
Rabinowitz comes to his neighbor:.
- Tell me, Mr Abramovich, do you like women with flabby ass?.
- I personally - there is no.
- A sweaty women you love?.
- Of course I do not like.
- And how do you feel about women with smelly armpits?.
- I hate hate.
- So what the hell do you e. are my wife when I'm at work?.
A police officer helped get off the ground drunk, injured in a fight.
- Can you describe the person who hit you?.
- I was doing this and when he pounced on me.
There are two girlfriends. One the other complains:.
- Well, guys let's go! .
- How do you like in the rest home?.
- I am very, very happy! .
- I have a new girl, beautiful and catchy.
- What, again, from a sex shop?.
Man wakes up in the morning with a hangover.
he calls his wife to lunch.
man to sit down. begins to eat, and then throws, the heart and says:.
- Bastard! - In-law, well, you bastard! .
And the mother-in-law, not better!.
his wife asks him angrily:.
- than you do not please my parents?? what happened??.
A man in a rage:.
- What happened? .
Father at home with friends playing poker.
There is formed a decent pot, the betting round. At this point, his father ran a four-year old son and looks at cards:.
- Oh, Dad and four aces is good?.
Father through his teeth:.
- Yes! .
All at once go to the pass, Dad rowing banchische.
sonny:.
- Sorry, Dad, that you did not have them.
The Armenian Radio asked:.
- How can I keep crazy Russian?.
Radio says:.
- Run it in a round room and tell them what's in the corner lying 100 bucks.
The family (mother - father - son) went to the circus. In the arena of the huge Circus Elephant. The son asks his mother:.
- What is the elephant in between his legs dangling?.
Thinking Mom says:.
- Oh, a trifle.
Father, son proudly wink:.
- Did you see how I spoiled it!.
A telephone call violinist:.
- I'm your neighbor from above. Well as you can! .
- It slid. Skpipka broke a week ago.
- And I'm a smart man, a beautiful wish!.
- I am smart!.
- I'm beautiful!.
- I want to!.
Ducks!.
There are two ducks in the pond. The first says:.
- Quack-quack!.
Second, irritably:.
- Damn, I type the same thing was going to say!.
Man comes to court. Brought an application for divorce. A natural question is:.
- Why?.
- Yes, my wife - big bore.
- Why?.
- What do you think, comrade judge tysch 10 per month for two is enough?.
- Well, probably quite.
- I think so. And my wife says, ' Go to work, go to work. '.
In the village bursts into a gang of armed to the teeth of pigs. The ringleader, a wild boar with a grenade launcher, place firmly against the fence, the first available man and growls:.
- Story about living in a village there?!.
- Doctor, why do you flinched when I asked you to cure a headache?.
- Because I first have to treat a talking horse!.
Why have you got to tyupmy?.
- For vzyatky.
- And for that you so quickly to vypystili?.
- For vzyatky.
- Daddy, Daddy, let's go with you to the circus.
- Oh, my son, there is a crap show.
- And I saw the ad, there is aunt naked on the lions go.
- What can and should go, a long time since I have not seen the lions.
In the morning the first of January of the infant cry is heard:.
- Mom, you're promised that Santa will bring me a football table!.
And under the tree did not!.
- Do not cry because you are! .
There are two comrades:.
- What did you grow a beard? .
- Yes, tired. All they tell me you have a beautiful face, but it was too feminine.
Now what?.
- Well, as a. Imagine a woman with a beard.
night. The house has a suspicious noise. My husband wakes up his wife.
- It seems to us climbed thieves. Stand up and put on a dress quickly, just in case.
- What? .
The girl on reception at doctor:.
- Doctor! .
- You are confusing things! .
- You do not understand, my dear! .
Husband and wife in bed.
My wife throws a leg on her husband's shoulder and says:.
- ' Take me! '.
My husband does not pay attention to it.
his wife throws him to the second leg.
- ' Take me! '.
husband:.
- ' Yes, I 'm not going anywhere! '.
The doctor examines the x-ray image:.
- So, the edge is broken, the skull - crack, collarbone - split. Nothing in Photoshope all correct!.
The camera 's new lead, and he is a healthy wardrobe. He looked at the inmates, and says:.
- How many of you cock?.
Everyone is silent, look at each other.
He says again:.
- Who is the cock?.
From under the bunk hackneyed man gets out and says:.
- Well, I.
- What's your name?.
- Zina.
The cabinet holds out his hand and says:.
- And I am Tanya, we stick together!.
From the conversation of two friends:.
-... And I said to him: ' You'll never take me by force! ...
- And what did he do?.
- Took out a checkbook.
My husband comes home, and his wife - a beautiful peignoir, and said to him:.
- Honey, look what I look like - and reveals the gown. My husband immediately faints. Wife excited and call godfather. he comes. His wife opens the door and pointing to her husband, lying in a swoon, and says:.
- Here, my husband showed a new underwear and he fell into a swoon, look, please, I can not understand what happened - and reveals the gown. Qom is also collapses. My wife put all together and call a doctor. Comes the doctor, his wife immediately warns the doctor what happened, and he tells her:.
- Do not worry, I'm still a doctor, somehow stand. His wife opens the dressing gown. Doctor shook a little, but he stay on his feet, and then says:.
- All right, but from the clothespins to hang a stocking is not necessary to his lips, and by the stockings!.
- Count up, my I said yesterday that he dreams to have sex once with two!.
- So what? .
- I said - if one can not satisfy, why upset the two?.
A man buys condoms:.
- I would pokrasivshe, for a gift.
- For a gift? .
- Yes, you do not understand! .
- My daughter, and where are you going in such an outfit, and those lips never made a lipstick color.
America. The guy escorts a girl home after visits, reach the porch of her house and the boy, leaning one hand on the door jamb, he suddenly says:.
- Mary, do me a blowjob, please.
- Are you gone mad, on the doorstep? .
- To hell with them, neighbors, a minetik, Mary.
- No, not today, better tomorrow.
- Mary, a slight suction, I know - you like it.
- No, No and No, I am not going to.
- Please, Mary, suck a little bit, you do many times did it for me and my friends.
- Leave me alone. and m. Dr.. At this moment the door opened and the threshold of the house appears sleepy disheveled girl 's younger sister, and says:.
- Good evening. Dad told me to suck you, or to my sister and you suck, or that you suck at, or dad to come down and you suck it, but for God's sake remove the hand from the intercom!.
The guy tells a girl ( very gently ):.
- Sometimes I think I love you, but then. I open my eyes. No, not you again.
- Darling, I had a terrible last night! .
- Did he rape you?.
- Are you crazy! .
Man - woman:.
- I love you! .
- I think I'm disgusted with him not.
Even middle-aged couple sitting on the couch and watched the Playboy channel on TV. After one particularly juicy scene, my husband looked at his wife and says,.
- Do you think we'll be able to right?.
- Try not to torture - said his wife. She went into her bedroom, and her husband in the bathroom where I stripped a few minutes and also went into the bedroom. When he came back, he saw a naked woman standing on her head in the middle of the bedroom.
- What are you doing? .
- Well, I thought that if you do not get up, then you can at least put it back.
Speaking at the pharmacy:.
- Do you have anything from gonorrhea?.
- Yes.
- Wrap the prettier, it's free!.
A reporter asked his wife the famous test pilot:.
- Tell me, when your husband does dizzying figures in the air, you're not worried that he makes a mistake?.
- No, because before we carry with him a dress rehearsal.
- How? .
- No. I 'm an airplane.
Talk once a husband and wife:.
- Honey, I can tell you, when you have an orgasm is?.
- But, dear, do you not call on this occasion to work!.
A young girl walks into a perfume shop and asks to see any good spirits.
- Here you go, the spirits ' Orgasm '.
- And as they are called?.
- ' Ecstasy '.
- Excuse me, do you have anything for beginners?.
Go to a gynecologist comes to taking a girl dump type. Gently shaking her hips to the table, sits down on the edge of the chair, and shamefully lowered lashes, says:.
- Doctor, I have a problem.
- Do not hesitate, my dear, that you're concerned about?.
- You know, I have hair on his body began to grow.
- Do not worry so much! . Have you tried to trim?.
- Yes, but they were so thick and black as your doctor, beard.
- And use epilator?.
- Yes, but with the same effect as a razor.
- A ointment, dirt?.
- Yes, but it also does not help.
- Well, that's okay. This is easily correctable hormonal disorders. Forgive me for involuntary indiscretion, but where on the body, they grow the most?.
- Yes, that's between her breasts and so begin to bottom, until the member.
- Daddy, what is a eunuch?.
- It's a soldier, whose personal weapons seized.
Morning two friends meet in a public house. One extremely surprised:.
- Listen, you're just married yesterday! .
- No, no! . - Here's the thing: I woke up very early today, and I wanted to make love. And my little wife is sleeping so soundly, so sweet. Well, why wake her because of some thirty dollars!.
One guy is very shy small size of his penis. Once he made up his mind yet and took his girlfriend out of town. There, he chose the darkest place, unbuttoned his pants and gently put his dignity in her hand. it:.
- Thank you, I do not smoke.
I decided last unmarried man in the days before the wedding to play football and got exactly the right footwear at. all swollen. He - a doctor. In short, taped, bandaged his. Then the wedding, the wedding night, sitting on the bed sad. Here comes up out of the bathroom a young wife, the whole of himself, and says:.
- Well, dear, what you get now, has not yet been touched by anyone! .
- Yes what there!. I even still in the package.
My daughter wrote a letter to his mother: ' In the evening, gave his beloved a ping-pong '. In a response letter his mother wrote: ' It's nothing that the Chinese would be a good man. '.
Tall and stocky guy girl. Legs with a rope tied to the maid, took the rope and. sinned standing. The girl is perplexed:.
- Damn you wise up? .
- The very first time I see!.
There are two other. One - and his new wife. Another recall him aside and said:.
- Are you crazy on whom you marry, it is with all the Vologda slept! .
- You know - says newlywed - I was in the Vologda, it is not so and more!.
My husband calls home to his wife on the phone and said that the ARC is.
- What is it? .
- Skin and venereal clinic!.
- What you give!.
- That you give, and I am treated.
The girl went to the doctor and complains:.
- Doctor, I suffer from impotence!.
- What does this mean?.
- I can not deny any man!.
Three women are returning home late at night. At the entrance of the dark, lying on the floor of a peasant. One woman, fearing that it was her husband, decided to test. Climbed into his pants, touched and said:.
- No, it's not my husband. The second also decided to test. Touched and said:.
- Yes, you're right. This is not your husband, but not mine too. The third checked:.
- You are both right! .
Mother says son-in- the future:.
- Well, you're asking for the hand of my daughter, but why do not you talk to me first?.
- Oh, madam, I'm sorry. I did not know that you love me too.
To the doctor comes to a woman.
- Doctor, something I do not feel well. Poor sleep, no appetite.
- Sign a lover. A week later the woman comes again.
- The doctor does not help, all unwell.
- Sign a two lovers. Even after one week a woman comes again.
- What, is it still does not work?.
- Not the point, Dr.. Give me a certificate for my husband that I am not a prostitute, but simply being treated.
Shortly after their marriage the young husband was forced to leave his mother for two weeks. In the apartment she had left a lot of notes of different content. The pot with the sugar, 'I love you', a switch: ' Pay for the light '; in the cupboard, ' Close tightly - the flies '. In the closet, ' Come on, where are you going without me in a white shirt? '.
The slow, sensual dance. She ( snuggling up to your partner, passionately ):.
- I'm a little worried. It seems to me that my neck is too deeply. What do you think? .
- Uh - uh, tell the truth. yes no. And you have that chest hair? .
- What are you talking about? .
- Yes, then, perhaps, a little glubokovato.
